Mar 10, 2011
Who could ever imagine that God would send a girl like me to a place like this?
Who could have ever imagined that God would send a girl like me to a place like this? I know that beyond my wants for my own life God has a bigger picture that I am a part of so I follow his lead and know my future is secure. Typically I consider myself to be reserved about trusting people. But my evaluation in that area is dead wrong. I will give you as a person my whole hearted trust all too willingly. I guess you should even call me naïve and sheltered. Two months ago I didn’t even know how to read a drug test and today I know almost every drug out there and five different ways to take it. I sat listening to two people discuss the terrible things they had done in their past and realized I would have never pictured myself in this kind of place having these kinds of discussions with people. The people I live with are criminals, strippers, thieves, manipulators, prostitutes, and drug addicts. They have been in and out of jail, left paths of destruction throughout their lives, never been disciplined, and been through things and in places only comparable to hell itself. I have never met people more hardened and destroyed by life. I have been threatened, yelled at, hit on, cussed out, swung at, and just plain disrespected. And frankly most of the time I have nothing good to say. I regularly pray to start my day and throughout it when I feel I need it or have a moment to spare. However more now than ever before I find myself in the spur of the moment pleading with the Holy Spirit to give me the answer (or words to say) because I am in the midst of an intense situation without the slightest idea of what to do! He, of course, has never failed me. Maybe it should be the places I would never imagine being that I go. Because if I fit in, would I stand out and show Jesus Christ? If I was with people who knew everything I know would I be able to make a difference in their lives? If I was comfortable and had all the answers would God be able to do anything in me? Aren’t these the people Jesus CHOSE to spend time with and minister to? I have had a dose of reality and that is that this is a broken world full of broken people who want a healer. I get to live with the most broken people you can imagine every day and every day I get to offer them hope and restoration in my Savior Jesus Christ. Majority of the time I see Him do a work in them and their lives are never the same. In the bigger picture I amount to very little; but I thank God for using this someone, who amounts to little, to do His work.
Jan 15, 2011
Week Two - A small glimpse
This week was tough. I have another flu bug and I have been trying to get past it all week. This week the staff of Teen Challenge and Freedom Chapel fasted this week to start off the new year letting God speak to us as a leadership team. I have never fasted for more than 48 hours so I knew it would be a challenge and yet I was so excited because I knew this was the perfect time to put my whole self into this and let the Lord STRETCH me according to his desire.
So I toughed it through a lot of aches and pains this week just to get to the point where my body said, "NO MORE!" I got a 102 degree fever and was sent to bed where I slept a whopping 24 hours while trying to fight a fever. Need less to say the next day I woke up with a lovely headache but no fever thank God. I made it through my fast I think by the skin of my teeth due to all the sickness and I know Satan did not like what God was doing because the discouragement was relentless this week. I take heart knowing Jesus was tempted and discouraged while he fasted too and he threw scripture in the face of the devil. So I have buried myself in the Word of My God this week and what a comfort it is. Thank You God.
My eyes were opened wide this week at the loveliness of a genuine and child like desire for God without the thoughts of "I know how to get to God". Let me explain. This week I had the opportunity of explaining to a group of about 20 about speaking in tongues and what it means to me and how it makes my relationship with Christ more intimate. Someone once said, "A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument." I heard Reggie Dabbs once say, No one else was there when God came in and saved you, no one was there when he held you, and loved you.... (along those lines). Basically, I can't really explain it.. but I gave them my personal experience and said I don't really get how it happened, it just happened to me. I talked them through what the bible says and then we just talked raw and the things we talked about were so unrehearsed and un-"churchy" that I believe God was deeply please with the genuineness of their hearts. Someone asked, Am I speaking in tongues even if God only gave me one word. YES! someone else asked, can I want it to bad? Others asked if I knew what I was saying to God and I was overwhelmed into tears as I explained only God knew what I was saying to him and that somehow my words in English could never due justice for how I wanted to praise God and the times I felt I was drawing closest was when I spoke to him in words I didn't understand from the depths of my spirit. Then I realized as I spoke to them and its stuck with me all week, I can't wait until the days I sit in his glorious presence and I can ask him, What did I say God? What words did your spirit give me to worship and adore you with. Amen. I can't wait for that day. Anyways, I am still a recovering little sicky, so for now I am going to close up shop. More to come..
So I toughed it through a lot of aches and pains this week just to get to the point where my body said, "NO MORE!" I got a 102 degree fever and was sent to bed where I slept a whopping 24 hours while trying to fight a fever. Need less to say the next day I woke up with a lovely headache but no fever thank God. I made it through my fast I think by the skin of my teeth due to all the sickness and I know Satan did not like what God was doing because the discouragement was relentless this week. I take heart knowing Jesus was tempted and discouraged while he fasted too and he threw scripture in the face of the devil. So I have buried myself in the Word of My God this week and what a comfort it is. Thank You God.
My eyes were opened wide this week at the loveliness of a genuine and child like desire for God without the thoughts of "I know how to get to God". Let me explain. This week I had the opportunity of explaining to a group of about 20 about speaking in tongues and what it means to me and how it makes my relationship with Christ more intimate. Someone once said, "A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument." I heard Reggie Dabbs once say, No one else was there when God came in and saved you, no one was there when he held you, and loved you.... (along those lines). Basically, I can't really explain it.. but I gave them my personal experience and said I don't really get how it happened, it just happened to me. I talked them through what the bible says and then we just talked raw and the things we talked about were so unrehearsed and un-"churchy" that I believe God was deeply please with the genuineness of their hearts. Someone asked, Am I speaking in tongues even if God only gave me one word. YES! someone else asked, can I want it to bad? Others asked if I knew what I was saying to God and I was overwhelmed into tears as I explained only God knew what I was saying to him and that somehow my words in English could never due justice for how I wanted to praise God and the times I felt I was drawing closest was when I spoke to him in words I didn't understand from the depths of my spirit. Then I realized as I spoke to them and its stuck with me all week, I can't wait until the days I sit in his glorious presence and I can ask him, What did I say God? What words did your spirit give me to worship and adore you with. Amen. I can't wait for that day. Anyways, I am still a recovering little sicky, so for now I am going to close up shop. More to come..
Jan 8, 2011
Something beautiful is happening here in Long Island and I get to be a part of it. I haven’t used this in months but I am taking time now to blog so as to keep track of all the things good and bad, all the things discouraging and encouraging, and all the things that touch my heart. I don’t get to go online very often so each blog will include several days. Follow as you will, this is more for me than anyone else. I hope you find joy and strength as you read. To start with I must explain that I reluctantly came here as I knew God was leading, desiring to do His will. I was terrified and alone in my choice and my journey which was not where I had wanted to be. But through a lot of pain and growing I found my way here. I still believe that some of the things that brought me here were not a part of the original plan but I know God is never caught off guard and…
“I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness, I know that you have come now even if to write upon my heart, To REMIND ME OF WHO YOU ARE.” –Kari Jobe
That song of worship has been close to my heart and I can say that this is a milestone in my life. I can say I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I know He holds tomorrow and I trust him with it and with my whole heart. Wherever He may lead, Whatever He may ask of me, I am willing and able. I give all my ideas, dreams, and plans to the Lord and I am so THANKFUL for God’s mercy and grace.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
If I am really honest I arrived on the first of the New Year terrified, broken hearted, and well skeptical that I would fit into this place. I was great by many friends welcoming me into my new home. I brought in my things and began to settle in. I received an invitation to Rosaria’s house for a New Year’s dinner. I met her lovely Italian family and spoke with her God-fearing mother who encouraged and spoke life into me. My anxiety began to calm at this point and I spent hours hanging out with all the men and women staff of Teen Challenge. What a lively, crazy bunch, all restored by and in love with Jesus Christ.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Church, Hallelujah! What a fantastic place! I now attend Freedom Chapel. The pastoral staff is incredible and I am excited to be around them and learn from them. Church was upbeat, fast paced, and vibrant. You all know I am in a place I love when I say it was very ethnically diverse! It’s really quite perfect for me. Sunday is a day of rest by every definition here. I spent the day unpacking and meeting all the women who are in the program here. I was overwhelmed today thinking that maybe this is not the place for me. I wondered if I could ever be prepared to lead these women in the way that they need, I have never experienced the things they are going through, I have never struggled with drugs or alcohol addictions. I was overwhelmed by discouragement. Someone took the time to change my hear t this night and help God to speak me into being a leader here. They said, “Jesus never struggled with any of these sins and he was the best teacher. Why do you think that is?” Everything in my spirit changed at this point. Jesus spoke to people, loved them, and taught them because of one reason, He had COMPASSION on them. Something I am in the midst of learning. And most importantly, the message is about who sent it, not the messenger. God uses every kind of person to bring his message and he is using me to being it here.
Monday, January 3, 2011
First day of work. I had a house meeting this morning with all the women in GRACE house. So many interesting personalities :) I met the director and pastoral staff today. Seriously they are an amazing bunch of people and I don’t know how I got to be a part of them. I started my first night with a pretty calm night. I am working alongside Ashley, the house manager and loving it. She is a pretty southern belle with an Alabama accent. I want to make an observation that is by no means personal but I quickly learned of the drama I will be facing everyday working in a house full of women working on overcoming drug problems. I have my hands FULL! Hallelujah! But it is quite the ministry. I have never had to work with a dynamic such as this, though I am learning quickly. Tonight was a quite night, I read my Bible for several hours. I have been overwhelmed by the desire to be in the Word and I love it, I need it, I crave it. I feel like I have a new life, I am nothing I was. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know who I was or what happened before this point. I have tunnel vision for my Jesus.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Up at 5am for wake up shift this morning. What a crazy day. I won’t give too many specifics about the women I work with but I tell ya… Drama. :) Learned all about my new position and what it will entail. I definitely fit in here. I feel like I have been here for much longer than a few days. Experience my first student quitting today. For as many students who enter and go through the program to graduate and have their lives drastically changed, there are a few who give up and leave. I experienced this girl’s passive anger in refusal to obey and come under her authority. She chose the street to staying. Rebellion will make you do crazy things like this. I also had my first staff meeting; Pastor Willie spoke on setting goals. Goals. I don’t know what I want still, I just go one day at a time allowing God to lead and strengthen me. But I need goals. Anyways as for the rest of the day well I took a nap and I don’t know how ya’ll do church but around here, we have church on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays. And I LOOOOVE IT! Tuesday night we do 20/20/20 a style of prayer meeting that is individual and then group. We do that then night service. God do something great in me. Had a break through this evening, one student came to me and asked about five deep theological questions and we sat for a long time discussing these things. She has a healthy hunger for the Bible and its truth but not very many people have a lot of knowledge or background on the Bible among the staff so now the ladies like coming to me to talk about these things. It is challenging and a learning experience for me. But I have to admit I love it!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I had to wake up at the crack of dawn again for choir. However choir around here is quite a different story. I am talking 50 people in a small room with gospel music blaring and a large black man singing his heart out leading the choir while melting my heart with his voice :) and don’t forget the dancing. We dance while we worship Jesus and that is choir practice. Amen. I finished settling in today by finding my bank, my post office, and my grocery store. Stocked up on blue powerade and mango Snapple, definitely a must. I took a run, though it’s freezing and to my delight, I found a tennis court and basketball court 30 seconds away from my new home :) I am a happy girl. Do you know what it is like to live in a place that puts 100% focus on Jesus? These people fight a battle every day and each day is filled to the brim with intentional thankfulness for their redeemed lives, studying God and his word, and prayer. Prayer is not something you do just in private. Prayer is the work we do here. Prayer starts every journey, prayer precedes every discussion. If you are upset pray with me, if you are feeling sick then pray, if you are happy pray a prayer of thanks, Pray, Pray, Pray! Prayer is a powerful thing and you better believe these people live it and believe it. I want so much to learn from them. These people aren’t serious about life or church or work, they are serious about Jesus Christ and his work here on earth. It really is a beautiful thing. I have never been more focused on eternity than I am now; eternity for myself with God and the matter of eternity for others as well. Life and Death here… I have so much to learn. God do what you will.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Today I slept in… until 8:30am. Ha! I ran and keep finding new and exciting little places. :) I was asked to play on Friday at church for worship. So I ventured out to the church where I had a lovely time of worship playing on a GRAND PIANO in the new sanctuary! I am in love! Perfect acoustics and such a rich beautiful sound. I met Pastor Jimmy and chatted with him, he is very funny by the way not at all what I pictured when I heard about him at the head pastor and director of the Teen Challenge and Rock the Block. He is quite the exciting guy; I am excited to work for him. Anyways back to work this evening, I grow more backbone everyday of working here. At work I keep order, settle disputes, discipline when necessary, encourage, mentor, keep the women on schedule, and some counseling. I get time to read at some points either my Bible or some of the books that my boss gave me. It really is a good job. It stretches me and is maturing and developing me. Can’t wait to hit my bed tonight! I am tired.
Friday, January 7, 2011
THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY! Up at 5am again. Wake up shift. Not much to say about today other than I got to meet with my director today again. Got a belated Christmas gift :) Was encouraged and pushed while mentored by Mrs. Anna. I really know that this is where I am supposed to be. I can learn do much from her. She is someone I would like to be like someday. Well it was quite the day. Then Praise the Lord, there is nowhere else I would rather be than in God’s house on a Friday night. I played tonight and though it wasn’t the Grand piano, it was a lot of fun. Worship is kind of like choir… AWESOME! ha! Pastor Willie spoke on shaking off the serpents from Acts 28 where Paul is bitten by the serpent. It was a fantastic message and I thoroughly enjoy church here. But I have to say I have never looked forward more to having a day off. :) Thank you God for weekends and days of rest. Hallelujah. I want to thank you if you read this and want to know what I am doing. Please continue to pray for me. I need it! Love you all. Praise the Lord for his plan and that he takes care of us. Next week I will be back to tell you about this week :) PICTURES TO COME :)
“I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness, I know that you have come now even if to write upon my heart, To REMIND ME OF WHO YOU ARE.” –Kari Jobe
That song of worship has been close to my heart and I can say that this is a milestone in my life. I can say I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I know He holds tomorrow and I trust him with it and with my whole heart. Wherever He may lead, Whatever He may ask of me, I am willing and able. I give all my ideas, dreams, and plans to the Lord and I am so THANKFUL for God’s mercy and grace.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
If I am really honest I arrived on the first of the New Year terrified, broken hearted, and well skeptical that I would fit into this place. I was great by many friends welcoming me into my new home. I brought in my things and began to settle in. I received an invitation to Rosaria’s house for a New Year’s dinner. I met her lovely Italian family and spoke with her God-fearing mother who encouraged and spoke life into me. My anxiety began to calm at this point and I spent hours hanging out with all the men and women staff of Teen Challenge. What a lively, crazy bunch, all restored by and in love with Jesus Christ.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Church, Hallelujah! What a fantastic place! I now attend Freedom Chapel. The pastoral staff is incredible and I am excited to be around them and learn from them. Church was upbeat, fast paced, and vibrant. You all know I am in a place I love when I say it was very ethnically diverse! It’s really quite perfect for me. Sunday is a day of rest by every definition here. I spent the day unpacking and meeting all the women who are in the program here. I was overwhelmed today thinking that maybe this is not the place for me. I wondered if I could ever be prepared to lead these women in the way that they need, I have never experienced the things they are going through, I have never struggled with drugs or alcohol addictions. I was overwhelmed by discouragement. Someone took the time to change my hear t this night and help God to speak me into being a leader here. They said, “Jesus never struggled with any of these sins and he was the best teacher. Why do you think that is?” Everything in my spirit changed at this point. Jesus spoke to people, loved them, and taught them because of one reason, He had COMPASSION on them. Something I am in the midst of learning. And most importantly, the message is about who sent it, not the messenger. God uses every kind of person to bring his message and he is using me to being it here.
Monday, January 3, 2011
First day of work. I had a house meeting this morning with all the women in GRACE house. So many interesting personalities :) I met the director and pastoral staff today. Seriously they are an amazing bunch of people and I don’t know how I got to be a part of them. I started my first night with a pretty calm night. I am working alongside Ashley, the house manager and loving it. She is a pretty southern belle with an Alabama accent. I want to make an observation that is by no means personal but I quickly learned of the drama I will be facing everyday working in a house full of women working on overcoming drug problems. I have my hands FULL! Hallelujah! But it is quite the ministry. I have never had to work with a dynamic such as this, though I am learning quickly. Tonight was a quite night, I read my Bible for several hours. I have been overwhelmed by the desire to be in the Word and I love it, I need it, I crave it. I feel like I have a new life, I am nothing I was. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know who I was or what happened before this point. I have tunnel vision for my Jesus.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Up at 5am for wake up shift this morning. What a crazy day. I won’t give too many specifics about the women I work with but I tell ya… Drama. :) Learned all about my new position and what it will entail. I definitely fit in here. I feel like I have been here for much longer than a few days. Experience my first student quitting today. For as many students who enter and go through the program to graduate and have their lives drastically changed, there are a few who give up and leave. I experienced this girl’s passive anger in refusal to obey and come under her authority. She chose the street to staying. Rebellion will make you do crazy things like this. I also had my first staff meeting; Pastor Willie spoke on setting goals. Goals. I don’t know what I want still, I just go one day at a time allowing God to lead and strengthen me. But I need goals. Anyways as for the rest of the day well I took a nap and I don’t know how ya’ll do church but around here, we have church on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays. And I LOOOOVE IT! Tuesday night we do 20/20/20 a style of prayer meeting that is individual and then group. We do that then night service. God do something great in me. Had a break through this evening, one student came to me and asked about five deep theological questions and we sat for a long time discussing these things. She has a healthy hunger for the Bible and its truth but not very many people have a lot of knowledge or background on the Bible among the staff so now the ladies like coming to me to talk about these things. It is challenging and a learning experience for me. But I have to admit I love it!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I had to wake up at the crack of dawn again for choir. However choir around here is quite a different story. I am talking 50 people in a small room with gospel music blaring and a large black man singing his heart out leading the choir while melting my heart with his voice :) and don’t forget the dancing. We dance while we worship Jesus and that is choir practice. Amen. I finished settling in today by finding my bank, my post office, and my grocery store. Stocked up on blue powerade and mango Snapple, definitely a must. I took a run, though it’s freezing and to my delight, I found a tennis court and basketball court 30 seconds away from my new home :) I am a happy girl. Do you know what it is like to live in a place that puts 100% focus on Jesus? These people fight a battle every day and each day is filled to the brim with intentional thankfulness for their redeemed lives, studying God and his word, and prayer. Prayer is not something you do just in private. Prayer is the work we do here. Prayer starts every journey, prayer precedes every discussion. If you are upset pray with me, if you are feeling sick then pray, if you are happy pray a prayer of thanks, Pray, Pray, Pray! Prayer is a powerful thing and you better believe these people live it and believe it. I want so much to learn from them. These people aren’t serious about life or church or work, they are serious about Jesus Christ and his work here on earth. It really is a beautiful thing. I have never been more focused on eternity than I am now; eternity for myself with God and the matter of eternity for others as well. Life and Death here… I have so much to learn. God do what you will.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Today I slept in… until 8:30am. Ha! I ran and keep finding new and exciting little places. :) I was asked to play on Friday at church for worship. So I ventured out to the church where I had a lovely time of worship playing on a GRAND PIANO in the new sanctuary! I am in love! Perfect acoustics and such a rich beautiful sound. I met Pastor Jimmy and chatted with him, he is very funny by the way not at all what I pictured when I heard about him at the head pastor and director of the Teen Challenge and Rock the Block. He is quite the exciting guy; I am excited to work for him. Anyways back to work this evening, I grow more backbone everyday of working here. At work I keep order, settle disputes, discipline when necessary, encourage, mentor, keep the women on schedule, and some counseling. I get time to read at some points either my Bible or some of the books that my boss gave me. It really is a good job. It stretches me and is maturing and developing me. Can’t wait to hit my bed tonight! I am tired.
Friday, January 7, 2011
THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY! Up at 5am again. Wake up shift. Not much to say about today other than I got to meet with my director today again. Got a belated Christmas gift :) Was encouraged and pushed while mentored by Mrs. Anna. I really know that this is where I am supposed to be. I can learn do much from her. She is someone I would like to be like someday. Well it was quite the day. Then Praise the Lord, there is nowhere else I would rather be than in God’s house on a Friday night. I played tonight and though it wasn’t the Grand piano, it was a lot of fun. Worship is kind of like choir… AWESOME! ha! Pastor Willie spoke on shaking off the serpents from Acts 28 where Paul is bitten by the serpent. It was a fantastic message and I thoroughly enjoy church here. But I have to say I have never looked forward more to having a day off. :) Thank you God for weekends and days of rest. Hallelujah. I want to thank you if you read this and want to know what I am doing. Please continue to pray for me. I need it! Love you all. Praise the Lord for his plan and that he takes care of us. Next week I will be back to tell you about this week :) PICTURES TO COME :)
Mar 5, 2010
Does our comfort contradict the CROSS?
I was reading a book this evening called, "Hope in the Dark". It's a book of photography and reflections about Africa. If you ever have the chance, take a half an hour and look/read through it. I began to read one page that said this,
"We walked along the dirt road to Muungano village where these words rested quietly on the brick wall next to a pharmacy shop. "What does Piny Pek mean?" I asked. "Heavy World," they said. As I dragged my feet along the gravel with my head down, I found myself asking, "Why, God?" He told me, "Broken world, daughter. Sin is real. Know and repent of your own, and then seek Justice and Love for my children. Do not lose hope, my child. Be an agent of mercy." And I slowly breathed in the stench, but allowed hope and God's promises of mercy and healing to remain. This peace that lies within me is one of ETERNAL PAIN but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places."
The last sentence was of particular confusing interest to me. Upon first reading it, in my head I picked up a problem. This peace is one of eternal pain? what?!? Wait. That must be a mistake. That could not be what God wanted...God would not cause us eternal pain. Would He? amidst thought I was halted by the spirit of God. God's will does not equal our COMFORT. I have been taught that the things of God are good. I have also been taught to provide and take care of myself, to get what I need to make sure I am taken care of. God must want me to have a great job that pays well so I can save and take the next Family vacation. God must want me to be happy and comfortable in a Great house, with a great life. But is that true? What about the rest of the world? What about the widows and orphans that God told us to take care of? did we think about them when we bought the bigger, prettier house that we wanted.
Something today is distraught in my head. Let's go back to this statement, what kind of peace brings eternal pain? I can say right now, God's will is not wealth and comfort. Jesus said it back then and it stands true today. There is a cost to following God, it may be your family - Luke 9:57-62, or it may be everything you own - Luke 18:18-23. But a change is necessary. Jesus never functioned for his own comfort whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I have to believe this statement is the epitome of being close to God, having a burden for someone, or feeling what God feels. This peace that lies within me is one of eternal pain but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places.
I began to ask God why so much pain? But this world is heavy. The reason we can survive is hope and from hope we find joy, and joy is much different than happiness. Happiness and comfort fade and therefore is not a worthy goal. But hope and joy are our lifelines. These come only from God. I started thinking about getting closer to God. Jesus was moved with Compassion for the people many times. He life was a gift out of compassion from God, for His children. God I believe is overwhelmed with compassion for us. Psalms 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Basically God is drawn to those that are hurting (AS SHOULD WE BE). I believe that when we desire to draw near to God and know him. First we will see the GLORY of who he is but when we ask God to know his heart we will see much, much, much pain for this Heavy World. God will allow you to see his pain when you draw near him, so you can better understand the heart of God and His love. But the peace comes from a surpassing faith that God's mercies are new everyday. God's hurt and pain flows through his unconditional love into an action of mercy towards his children. He hurts for this heavy world.
Will we draw near to him and take his burden, following his footsteps? Or will we forget what the cross was really all about, Compassion. Will we pretend the rest of the world is not hurting so we can live in comfort? We can't be a follower of Christ and live separated and above the world. We must dwell among them, loving them and meeting their needs. Maybe we, as individuals, can't change the world but we can change some. Mother Theresa said "If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will." Draw near to God and ask Him for his heart. Sometimes pain is what it takes to wake us up and help us forget about ourselves. WAKE UP CHURCH, Get to know the heart of God. That is real, not our earthy strivings.
"We walked along the dirt road to Muungano village where these words rested quietly on the brick wall next to a pharmacy shop. "What does Piny Pek mean?" I asked. "Heavy World," they said. As I dragged my feet along the gravel with my head down, I found myself asking, "Why, God?" He told me, "Broken world, daughter. Sin is real. Know and repent of your own, and then seek Justice and Love for my children. Do not lose hope, my child. Be an agent of mercy." And I slowly breathed in the stench, but allowed hope and God's promises of mercy and healing to remain. This peace that lies within me is one of ETERNAL PAIN but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places."
The last sentence was of particular confusing interest to me. Upon first reading it, in my head I picked up a problem. This peace is one of eternal pain? what?!? Wait. That must be a mistake. That could not be what God wanted...God would not cause us eternal pain. Would He? amidst thought I was halted by the spirit of God. God's will does not equal our COMFORT. I have been taught that the things of God are good. I have also been taught to provide and take care of myself, to get what I need to make sure I am taken care of. God must want me to have a great job that pays well so I can save and take the next Family vacation. God must want me to be happy and comfortable in a Great house, with a great life. But is that true? What about the rest of the world? What about the widows and orphans that God told us to take care of? did we think about them when we bought the bigger, prettier house that we wanted.
Something today is distraught in my head. Let's go back to this statement, what kind of peace brings eternal pain? I can say right now, God's will is not wealth and comfort. Jesus said it back then and it stands true today. There is a cost to following God, it may be your family - Luke 9:57-62, or it may be everything you own - Luke 18:18-23. But a change is necessary. Jesus never functioned for his own comfort whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I have to believe this statement is the epitome of being close to God, having a burden for someone, or feeling what God feels. This peace that lies within me is one of eternal pain but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places.
I began to ask God why so much pain? But this world is heavy. The reason we can survive is hope and from hope we find joy, and joy is much different than happiness. Happiness and comfort fade and therefore is not a worthy goal. But hope and joy are our lifelines. These come only from God. I started thinking about getting closer to God. Jesus was moved with Compassion for the people many times. He life was a gift out of compassion from God, for His children. God I believe is overwhelmed with compassion for us. Psalms 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Basically God is drawn to those that are hurting (AS SHOULD WE BE). I believe that when we desire to draw near to God and know him. First we will see the GLORY of who he is but when we ask God to know his heart we will see much, much, much pain for this Heavy World. God will allow you to see his pain when you draw near him, so you can better understand the heart of God and His love. But the peace comes from a surpassing faith that God's mercies are new everyday. God's hurt and pain flows through his unconditional love into an action of mercy towards his children. He hurts for this heavy world.
Will we draw near to him and take his burden, following his footsteps? Or will we forget what the cross was really all about, Compassion. Will we pretend the rest of the world is not hurting so we can live in comfort? We can't be a follower of Christ and live separated and above the world. We must dwell among them, loving them and meeting their needs. Maybe we, as individuals, can't change the world but we can change some. Mother Theresa said "If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will." Draw near to God and ask Him for his heart. Sometimes pain is what it takes to wake us up and help us forget about ourselves. WAKE UP CHURCH, Get to know the heart of God. That is real, not our earthy strivings.
Jan 22, 2010
SO much more than a LAST RESORT
In this big world there are times that, little me, I feel helpless and without any means of purpose. Not in my own individual life but in the bigger picture of the world. I felt particularly helpless this past two weeks as I watch the disaster that struck Haiti. Ever know you are supposed to do something but know that anything you had to offer was of little to no use? I know that like anyone else who watches helplessly I can pray. But all I can do is pray.. Just pray cause otherwise I could go insane wishing I could do something more.
Then God and a friend reminded me. Prayer should be my first response not my last resort. Prayer even if it ends up being the only thing I could do is the most powerful action I can make.
James 5:17 "The earnest prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson said, "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of."
I can always be reminded that prayer is my first line of defense. Prayer is called powerful and effective, which let us be honest, is more than what results from our best effort actions at most times. Prayer stirs the heart of God who hasn't turned away once from the cries rising from Haiti. Prayer is our mere human effort to reach out to the divine. This is no excuse, this is the belief that prayer is not a waste of time and that prayer is indeed POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE. The belief that the power of God can do more than I can dream of. Do you realize that your prayers, though they may never have the answer spelled out, can be answered in ways you do not see or understand. Prayers are never forgotten. If we saw everything wrought by our prayers, I believe we would never stop praying. I believe our prayers keep things from happening that we will never know about. You don't have to feel like all else has failed to pray. Prayer is so much more than a last resort.
Then God and a friend reminded me. Prayer should be my first response not my last resort. Prayer even if it ends up being the only thing I could do is the most powerful action I can make.
James 5:17 "The earnest prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson said, "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of."
I can always be reminded that prayer is my first line of defense. Prayer is called powerful and effective, which let us be honest, is more than what results from our best effort actions at most times. Prayer stirs the heart of God who hasn't turned away once from the cries rising from Haiti. Prayer is our mere human effort to reach out to the divine. This is no excuse, this is the belief that prayer is not a waste of time and that prayer is indeed POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE. The belief that the power of God can do more than I can dream of. Do you realize that your prayers, though they may never have the answer spelled out, can be answered in ways you do not see or understand. Prayers are never forgotten. If we saw everything wrought by our prayers, I believe we would never stop praying. I believe our prayers keep things from happening that we will never know about. You don't have to feel like all else has failed to pray. Prayer is so much more than a last resort.
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