Who could ever imagine that God would send a girl like me to a place like this?

Who could have ever imagined that God would send a girl like me to a place like this? I know that beyond my wants for my own life God has a bigger picture that I am a part of so I follow his lead and know my future is secure. Typically I consider myself to be reserved about trusting people. But my evaluation in that area is dead wrong. I will give you as a person my whole hearted trust all too willingly. I guess you should even call me naïve and sheltered. Two months ago I didn’t even know how to read a drug test and today I know almost every drug out there and five different ways to take it. I sat listening to two people discuss the terrible things they had done in their past and realized I would have never pictured myself in this kind of place having these kinds of discussions with people. The people I live with are criminals, strippers, thieves, manipulators, prostitutes, and drug addicts. They have been in and out of jail, left paths of destruction throughout their lives, never been disciplined, and been through things and in places only comparable to hell itself. I have never met people more hardened and destroyed by life. I have been threatened, yelled at, hit on, cussed out, swung at, and just plain disrespected. And frankly most of the time I have nothing good to say. I regularly pray to start my day and throughout it when I feel I need it or have a moment to spare. However more now than ever before I find myself in the spur of the moment pleading with the Holy Spirit to give me the answer (or words to say) because I am in the midst of an intense situation without the slightest idea of what to do! He, of course, has never failed me. Maybe it should be the places I would never imagine being that I go. Because if I fit in, would I stand out and show Jesus Christ? If I was with people who knew everything I know would I be able to make a difference in their lives? If I was comfortable and had all the answers would God be able to do anything in me? Aren’t these the people Jesus CHOSE to spend time with and minister to? I have had a dose of reality and that is that this is a broken world full of broken people who want a healer. I get to live with the most broken people you can imagine every day and every day I get to offer them hope and restoration in my Savior Jesus Christ. Majority of the time I see Him do a work in them and their lives are never the same. In the bigger picture I amount to very little; but I thank God for using this someone, who amounts to little, to do His work.

Does our comfort contradict the CROSS?

I was reading a book this evening called, "Hope in the Dark". It's a book of photography and reflections about Africa. If you ever have the chance, take a half an hour and look/read through it. I began to read one page that said this,

"We walked along the dirt road to Muungano village where these words rested quietly on the brick wall next to a pharmacy shop. "What does Piny Pek mean?" I asked. "Heavy World," they said. As I dragged my feet along the gravel with my head down, I found myself asking, "Why, God?" He told me, "Broken world, daughter. Sin is real. Know and repent of your own, and then seek Justice and Love for my children. Do not lose hope, my child. Be an agent of mercy." And I slowly breathed in the stench, but allowed hope and God's promises of mercy and healing to remain. This peace that lies within me is one of ETERNAL PAIN but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places."

The last sentence was of particular confusing interest to me. Upon first reading it, in my head I picked up a problem. This peace is one of eternal pain? what?!? Wait. That must be a mistake. That could not be what God wanted...God would not cause us eternal pain. Would He? amidst thought I was halted by the spirit of God. God's will does not equal our COMFORT. I have been taught that the things of God are good. I have also been taught to provide and take care of myself, to get what I need to make sure I am taken care of. God must want me to have a great job that pays well so I can save and take the next Family vacation. God must want me to be happy and comfortable in a Great house, with a great life. But is that true? What about the rest of the world? What about the widows and orphans that God told us to take care of? did we think about them when we bought the bigger, prettier house that we wanted.

Something today is distraught in my head. Let's go back to this statement, what kind of peace brings eternal pain? I can say right now, God's will is not wealth and comfort. Jesus said it back then and it stands true today. There is a cost to following God, it may be your family - Luke 9:57-62, or it may be everything you own - Luke 18:18-23. But a change is necessary. Jesus never functioned for his own comfort whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I have to believe this statement is the epitome of being close to God, having a burden for someone, or feeling what God feels. This peace that lies within me is one of eternal pain but surpassing faith in God's ultimate desire to shower mercy in the heaviest and most broken places.

I began to ask God why so much pain? But this world is heavy. The reason we can survive is hope and from hope we find joy, and joy is much different than happiness. Happiness and comfort fade and therefore is not a worthy goal. But hope and joy are our lifelines. These come only from God. I started thinking about getting closer to God. Jesus was moved with Compassion for the people many times. He life was a gift out of compassion from God, for His children. God I believe is overwhelmed with compassion for us. Psalms 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Basically God is drawn to those that are hurting (AS SHOULD WE BE). I believe that when we desire to draw near to God and know him. First we will see the GLORY of who he is but when we ask God to know his heart we will see much, much, much pain for this Heavy World. God will allow you to see his pain when you draw near him, so you can better understand the heart of God and His love. But the peace comes from a surpassing faith that God's mercies are new everyday. God's hurt and pain flows through his unconditional love into an action of mercy towards his children. He hurts for this heavy world.

Will we draw near to him and take his burden, following his footsteps? Or will we forget what the cross was really all about, Compassion. Will we pretend the rest of the world is not hurting so we can live in comfort? We can't be a follower of Christ and live separated and above the world. We must dwell among them, loving them and meeting their needs. Maybe we, as individuals, can't change the world but we can change some. Mother Theresa said "If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will." Draw near to God and ask Him for his heart. Sometimes pain is what it takes to wake us up and help us forget about ourselves. WAKE UP CHURCH, Get to know the heart of God. That is real, not our earthy strivings.

SO much more than a LAST RESORT

In this big world there are times that, little me, I feel helpless and without any means of purpose. Not in my own individual life but in the bigger picture of the world. I felt particularly helpless this past two weeks as I watch the disaster that struck Haiti. Ever know you are supposed to do something but know that anything you had to offer was of little to no use? I know that like anyone else who watches helplessly I can pray. But all I can do is pray.. Just pray cause otherwise I could go insane wishing I could do something more.
Then God and a friend reminded me. Prayer should be my first response not my last resort. Prayer even if it ends up being the only thing I could do is the most powerful action I can make.
James 5:17 "The earnest prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson said, "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of."
I can always be reminded that prayer is my first line of defense. Prayer is called powerful and effective, which let us be honest, is more than what results from our best effort actions at most times. Prayer stirs the heart of God who hasn't turned away once from the cries rising from Haiti. Prayer is our mere human effort to reach out to the divine. This is no excuse, this is the belief that prayer is not a waste of time and that prayer is indeed POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE. The belief that the power of God can do more than I can dream of. Do you realize that your prayers, though they may never have the answer spelled out, can be answered in ways you do not see or understand. Prayers are never forgotten. If we saw everything wrought by our prayers, I believe we would never stop praying. I believe our prayers keep things from happening that we will never know about. You don't have to feel like all else has failed to pray. Prayer is so much more than a last resort.

Something like Compassion

Matthew 14:14 "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."
Matthew 15:32 "Jesus called his disciples to him and said, "I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way."
Matthew 20:34 "Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him."

Jesus was moved with compassion for peoples needs. This moving was a movement to act, and movement to change their circumstances. It had nothing to do with him, it was all about them, the people, any people, ALL PEOPLE. He didn't say Thank God, I'm not blind, he healed the blind men. He didn't say glad I am not hungry, too bad those people didn't bring their lunches. He fed them. Because HE WAS MOVED WITH COMPASSION. Let's follow our greatest example and let God move us with compassion for other rather than continue to focus on our selves. Their are thousands of people crying for help and in mourning tonight in Haiti. Let God move your heart to compassion. Compassion to act. Give, you have more than they can dream of. Go, if you are capable of going. Spend a night with less sleep to cry over the pain God is feeling in his heart for His suffering people. Learn to pray, learn to seek God, and you will learn compassion. God's heart is overflowing with it, with pain, with love, with longing...
Compassion is a burden only God truly knows. Seek the heart of God so you can learn SOMETHING LIKE COMPASSION.

Song of Songs 8:6-7

⁶ Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

⁷ Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.